When your house is not a home....
What makes a house your home? What do you think about when you think about your own 'home'? In a real "home" you can be yourself, there is food, warmth and basic security. In a real 'home' you trust the others who live there, you can relax in the bath, shower or sleep. If there are any problems, they can be discussed and a good solution found.
Every child needs a home in order to develop healthily. It needs the security and space to discover itself and the world around it. It needs loving arms that lift it up when it falls or needs support. And someone who continues to care when it surrenders to sleep.
If your house is not a home, you feel unsafe and you are always on the alert. Then you are constantly on the alert in your own home. And you are not sure of love, of safety or of a good night. Don't you dare trust, because what someone else says is often the opposite of what someone else does. The father or mother who reads to you, the brother who plays with you, is also the one who rapes you at night or during the day. If your house is not a home, your bed or the shower is not a place of relaxation, but a place of horror and enormous pain.
...when talking is impossible
For far too many children, their house is definitely not a home. And for most of these children, talking about it with others is unthinkable. After all, if the child knows any words... it's 'our little secret', isn't it? And secrets are not supposed to be given away. And... if you betray 'our secret', it's your fault if dad goes to prison. And it's your fault if mommy gets sad forever...and aren't you daddy's special little princess? And doesn't Daddy always give you presents? And anyway, no one will believe you, because you have such a nice daddy who is always nice to everyone.... and your daddy would never do anything like that, would he? And you like it too, look, your body reacts..... There are so many ways for paedophiles to manipulate a child's soul. These are very effective, if adapted to the developmental level and the situation of the child.
...when key figures in your child's life are involved
But what if not only your home is a dangerous place, but other caretakers are also involved? What if your grandfather, or your uncle, or your neighbour, or your parents' best friend, is your pimp? What if he often invites you on trips to the zoo or to a play paradise? And if you are then actually lent to men who love to sadistically rape little girls or boys? Or if you are taken to sex parties where you are prey to the hands of whoever wants to touch you?
...when you are taken to satanic rituals
And what if you also have to come along to dark rooms where you always have to take off your clothes. And where big people in a trance speak a strange language. And where you have to lie in a star on the floor. Where things happen that people don't talk about in normal life. Or you have to watch when others get hurt or sometimes even die, and you have to hurt them yourself too. Where you must never make a mistake, because then you get a lot of pain. And where big people can do whatever they want with your body afterwards. And what if there is not one trusted person in your life with whom you can talk about this? And if you do say something to a neighbour or a friend's mother that they don't understand you. Or don't believe you. And then tell your mother. Or your father. And that you then get even more punishment.
...when your soul breaks into pieces
And what if your soul breaks into pieces because your dad rapes you for so long that you can't take it anymore; and your grandpa; and your dad's best friend. And also because sometimes you get so much pain, in succession, from different people and in different ways. So that it no longer fits in one head? And what if your brain, which is still so young and working very hard to grow, grows in a completely different way from other children? So that walls grow between the pieces of your soul? So that you can still go to school? And you can still manage to do the things that normal children do? Even though you always have to make lists, so that the pieces know where you are in the day?
So what do you do when you grow up?
If that is your childhood life, what will you do once you become an adult? When there are so many pornographic images of you and the abuse still goes on; when you have become a co-perpetrator because you too had to participate in their rituals and their 'parties'. And when there are photos and films of them. And if the memory walls between your pieces (person parts) have become high and thick. So that each person-part knows only a part of your life. And what if they have trained some of the person parts through torture to commit suicide if you start talking anyway?
Can you still decide to become a survivor instead of a victim?
Yes, you can. But nobody can do it alone. On this site, you can read how we want to help and how we want to learn to help. And how you can help.
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